You’re gone now and I get it.
I have to know with my lungs what I missed.
Did you see where the wind went
when it got knocked out of me?
Do you know it was by your side?

Buddy Wakefield, “Rapid Obsuccession” (via baroquemirrors)

5: Does your muse have any phobias?

Since Hawke’s more obvious/canon phobia has already been addressed, I’ll dig a little deeper:

The first time she sees Mother after her death, Marian doesn’t think anything is wrong. In fact, the spectre is comforting, her hair neat and her words warm as she stands by the fire Bodahn keeps burning. 

The first time she sees Carver is in the face of a templar, roaring, bearing down on her, and she pushes a dagger through his neck not understanding why she can’t stop crying for an hour after. 

The first time she sees Father is years later, in a run-down tavern on the long road through Ferelden. His cheeks are flame red with drink and there’s spittle in his beard but his laugh booms from his chest like a carol, over and over and over through the floorboards long after she’s gone to sleep in a strange bed. 

She’s talking to herself more these days. “What’s the harm?” she reasons. With no one else for company, it’s for the best, it’s for personal entertainment. This is how she’ll stay sane, she says, before she reads the poorly spelled ravings on a tattered page aloud. It would be boring otherwise, she notes as she attempts to recite the Canticle of Transfigurations only to forget the words, and settle on singing the dirty shanty Isabela taught her. 

She talks to Mother, Carver, Fenris, Varric, Merrill, Aveline, Isabela, Bethany, most often father and too often—Anders. She apologizes, she asks for advice, she begs for forgiveness from the shadow on her right and the blinking of eyes through the pines. 

One night, she realizes no one’s with her. Just like that. She looks over her shoulder and doesn’t hear the shuffling of cards and tall boots anymore, only the creak of leather and her own quavered breathing.

And that’s when the fear sets in. 

5, 8, and 12!

  • 5: Does your muse have any phobias?

Spiders. Ever since Lothering when she and Carver used to keep Barlin’s infestation at bay. Marian’s hair was longer, much longer then and after an incident that involved eight tangled up legs and a bite that had her throwing up green for three days she absolutely cannot stand them.

Bonus reading.

  • 8: Who was your muse’s first crush?

Cleary, a farmer’s son she used to have footraces with in the orchard. He joined the King’s Army as a scout around the same time Marian did, but did not survive the massacre at Ostagar. She still misses him during apple season.

  • 12: What is your muse’s happiest memory from their childhood?

When the twins were born. It was that moment Marian realized she wanted to become a hero.

Dig into my muse’s life | headcanons

1: When did your muse lose their virginity?
2: Who was your muse’s first kiss?
3: Which parent(or guardian) does your muse prefer?
4: Who are your muse’s closest friends?
5: Does your muse have any phobias?
6: Which sibling is your muse closest to? If they have no siblings, which family member?
7: If your muse had the opportunity to turn into the opposite sex for a day, would they take it? If so, what would they do?
8: Who was your muse’s first crush?
9: What is your muse’s sexual preference?
10: Most problematic thing your muse has ever done?
11: How important is family to your muse?
12: What is your muse’s happiest memory from their childhood?
13: What is your muse’s saddest memory from their childhood?
14: What is your muse’s deadly sin?
15: What would your muse say to their younger self if they could go back in time?
16: How does your muse see themselves in 5 years? What about 10?
17: How does your muse deal with their anger?
18: How does your muse feel about religion?
19: Is your muse more self loving or self loathing?
20: What is your muse’s addiction?